Having Faith

I never really knew what it felt like to receive something and suddenly have it snatched away. I made provisions for this change....prepared myself mentally and physically. I recognized the energy, commitment, and time it would take to add this to my schedule; nonetheless....I received an email today detailing "NO REAL EXPLANATION" how come these things were being rescinded. No offering of support, no further information, and no alternative options.

I spoke with a very good friend...and he said to me "God has bigger things obviously." Then, he proceeded to say: "Who gives a f***. I think you're awesome." In this time of distress, I have not felt that comforted in a long time. I was so encouraged that I decided to blog it out. Thus, this may be the beginning of multiple blogs...if not, it definitely has motivated me to write. I don't know if this will be a blog, poem, short story, song, or any other written expression of divergent emotions.

I then began to think....What God has planned, has already been established. Clearly, this was not in the plan. Clearly, this was not what was supposed to be occurring in my life at this point. Yes, of course it is painful to expect something and make provisions for it.....only to have the offer of whatever taken back.....of course, it is discouraging and hurtful. Nonetheless, I am still here. I have several things to be Thankful for. I have several things to look forward to. I should think of it as a sign, not a determent. As such, I am looking and standing in the windows God has already opened and turning my back on the doors that were closed before I even began to pursue.

I must maintain having faith and being TRUE to myself. This was not a part of the plan for me.

#Nowplaying: "The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill"

PRO-Black

So I have been receiving a lot of "feedback" and "commentary" about my PRO-Black stance. Surprisingly, majority of the commentary I have received has been from other Black people. It has been weighing heavy on my heart since the end of 2009; but appears to be receiving much more attention and "commentary" within the past (first) weeks of 2010. In order to clarify, I felt the need to release my exhaustion and disappointment with the entire subject.

I am VERY PRO-Black. I will not apologize nor defend my stance. Nonetheless, what I expect from others (rather Black, White, Latino/a, Asian, Native American, etc...) is to respect my stance and understand that it does not insinuate my lack of respect or affection for other cultures.

*PRO-BLACK does NOT equate to ANTI-EVERYTHING else.*

I speak very openly about my dislike for many of the things that "sky people" and others do. I also speak openly about my feelings toward the Black race and even the disconnect between many of my African sisters and brothers to African Americans. These conversations, statements, and points of concerns do not equate to mean that I HATE or DISLIKE any group of people, automatically.

If anyone doubts my ability to be intelligent, support my claims, or politically correct, at this point you can kiss my azz. I mean that in every breathe that it took to read it. Yes, in order to write these words and this blog I could have used several "BIG" words and spruced it up to mean so much more than what the simple strokes of my fingers could be typing at this point. One thing that I pride myself on is being able to simplify my thoughts in ways that many others can not. I write so that ALL are able to read and respond to my words and my thoughts. I pride myself on the fact that I can "code-switch" when necessary, but remain true to my own character. I AM respected in all neighborhoods...hood or on the steps of Ivy Leagues.

Please do not confuse my passion for ignorance. Please do not doubt my ability to be objective in times of distress or when I am teaching a course. I respect the opinions of others. Yet, I also respect the opinions I hold myself. I do not and will not ever have this "groupthink" concept. I am ME. I am proud to be ME. I will remain ME. If I have questions, I will ask. If I do not know something, I will find the answers. Do I recognize that this is a process? Yes. Am I okay with going at my own pace? Yes. Is your ignorance bliss? Maybe. But my ignorance in certain areas equates to me needing to search further for answers. Accordingly, I also recognize that "TRUTH" is relative and should be treated as such.

BACK TO THE TOPIC AT HAND: SIMPLE POINTS

1) I LOVE WHO I AM
2) I AM PRO-BLACK. I love my BLACK people with everything that I have inside
3) I do believe in the progression and empowerment of Black people
4) I do associate, befriend, understand, and appreciate other races and ethnicities for the positions that they hold and the people that they are
5) I recognize we all have stereotypes that are true
6) I will continue to state my opinions in the same way others feel capable and "righted" to state theirs

Thanks and Have a Good Day.

My Aspiration

This is how I want my hair...I know this is a wig...but I really want this!!! Plus, this is a random post because I'm just trying to see if my picture function works!!!!!

Positive Energy

Positive thoughts create positive occurrences. On September 20, 2008, I was given the gift of "The Secret" by a security guard at school. Much like my everyday, I was too busy to put thought into reading that semester. So, patiently...it waited on my book shelf till I put forth the effort to actively change my life, myself.

In 2009, I went through a REALLY hard breakup from a two year relationship in which my life revolved around that person. We were each other's worlds. Then, I realized we were out-growing one another and I needed something more. I was trapped...impatiently waiting to be rescued from the depressive state I had drifted into. So at the end of January 2009, our relationship dissolved....painfully.

On February 16, 2009 an old friend of mine felt my pain and re-introduced me to the phenomenon of "The Secret." This time, I watched and listened, carefully and completely. On this day, I had an epiphany....I was entirely too negative and it was time to make the necessary adjustments. I had succumbed to living a life that was not mine. I repressed my feelings, desires, goals, and natural instincts. This process made me bitter, pessimistic, and lost. I was traveling down a path of self-destruction which resulted in several events occurring without my permission...just my passiveness.

On this day (02/16/09) I began to understand and accept the law of attraction and how my thoughts produce my circumstances. I will not lie and say I changed overnight! I didn't. I had to go through in order to come out. I had to lose and be upset to realize I was not controlling my life...I was being a product of life. I had to face the reality I had created and make an active decision to repair the damage I had done. It was my time to begin living.

Moving forward......I wanted teaching positions, I received them. I wanted to apply for doctoral programs, I'm done. I wanted to start receiving interviews, I got my first one. I needed to learn to be independent, I have. I needed to survive alone in the city, I'm doing it. I had to learn. I had to allow myself the opportunity to trust in my ability to be what I needed to be when I needed to be it. I need to believe.

To you....Just believe.

Gentrification

So I'm sitting here reading about the "gentrification of Harlem." I have been knowing about the progression of this process since first moving to NYC in Fall of 2008. However, I do not think I recognized the impact until recently. Firstly, from what has been noted, Columbia University has been trying to expand from "Morningside Heights" into Harlem. This process would ultimately remove Harlem residents (of long years) from their residences without sufficient funding to an undetermined location. This act would also increase land value and property costs which ultimately would also remove residents from their homes. Fortunately, this process has been slowed and disrupted by the city...but, by only a few blocks not being able to begin development projects.

According to Census 2008 reports, Harlem's increase in non-Hispanic whites has increased from almost 300 during the 70's to over 14,000 today. No one is devoted to challenging whether or not this is a beneficial plan or not. Most are suggesting that you can not become upset when you (Blacks) are the main ones not wanting to be discriminated against for the areas in which they choose to live. The reality of the matter is that Harlem has become to expensive for (typical) Blacks (with normal working class jobs) to be able to afford. In certain buildings alone, rent has increased to over $1700 for a studio apt less than 600 sq ft.

I do worry that the unique culture that was once thrived and lived by Black people will become extinct. I have already noticed that on Sundays, many foreigners and whites come into Harlem for (fake azz) soul food from Sylvia's or Mannas (I'm biased because I am from the South and KNOW what REAL soul food tastes and smells like). When I went to watch the Dreamgirls theatre production....the audience was completely absorbed by whites and foreigners. This leads me to ask a variety of questions:

1) Do Blacks not have the finances to support Black neighborhoods and businesses?
2) Do Blacks want to support Black neighborhoods and businesses?
3) What is the "true" culture of Harlem?
4) Can the "true" culture of Harlem be deteriorated with the process of gentrification?
5) What will happen to the working class Blacks who currently reside in Harlem?
6) Will the only options to survive be to move outside of the city of Manhattan?
7) What can we do to prepare for the change?
8) What now?

It is a lot, but these are my thoughts...might edit this later or add more. Not sure....depends on how I feel. Please feel free to respond if you and begin dialogging about the REAL issue of gentrification, if any!!!!

Thanks for Reading

Happy New Year

Happy New Year!!!

I officially have re-dedicated myself to writing, reading, and enjoying the simple pleasures in life. What I have found to be my "comfort" is my ability to write things on my bb when I don't have a computer, pen, or paper near. I am re-dedicating to blogging and being connected to my readers. I have been afraid of telling peeps to read my blog bc it has been so irregular; nonetheless, I am back and ready to transform into what I am destined for.

Things u should know: 1) I haven't blogged a lot because I am a full-time graduate student with three jobs and was applying for doctoral programs; 2) I love to write and read, but often my time prohibits me from the simple pleasures; and 3) I will be traveling a lot of 2010 to present my research and interview for programs.

Just bare with me and stay tuned for the ride. I have decided that the frequency of my writings will be "WHENEVER I FEEL LIKE IT!" Who is to say that I cannot write multiple times or no times a day?? Exactly.

If you like, recommend others.....if you want more of a day-to-day acct...follow on twitter....SekretK

Until next time....

What is a Blog? My Thoughts....

So I've been hesitant to post things because my mind races with several thoughts a day. Should I post several paragraphs in one day or am I supposed to blog one time a day? I think I'm going to just do it MY WAY. I can't base what I will be off of what everybody else isn't (Thanks Jay!). Let's get it cracking with the top things on my mind today:

1) LET TIGER LIVE!!! Why is he the topic of discussion? I could care less about what he does or who he does it with. Just like I didn't care about Bill Clinton, Kobe Bryant, or any other celeb/non-celeb person. Who you sleep with is your biz.....I COULD CARE LESS as long as you're doing what you love, good at what you do, and you aren't physically harming others, me, or children. Let's drop it, please....Could we get on with life and maybe talk about the white folks that snuck in to the state dinner? Let's HYPOTHETICALLY imagine they were people of color. What do you think would have been the immediate after-thought???

2) So I find out that Lil Wayne claims to have been "raped" at age 11. Although I am not surprised, it is disturbing that he is encouraging one of his 15 yr old boys (in his camp) to "start fcuking" cuz he's young money. Ugh! Ummm....excuse me? Que? Uno mas tiempo por favor???!!! A HOT MESS!!!! When did it become okay for us to impose having sex at a young age? Hell, it's just like I posed this week....what happened to dating? Going to the movies and actually WATCHING? What happened to parents not letting J and Chasmine sleep in the same room if J needed to sleep over? I d k what's happening these dayz....but, hey, It is what it is...or is it?

3) GRAMMYS------Sooooo, I'm officially convinced that its something up with Beyonce, Jay, Swift, and the whole camp. That's all I have to say. Fill in the blanks and tell me what you think.....??? Write in the comment section.

Last thing of business for RIGHT NOW....I will write as I can. Granted, I am currently applying to doctoral programs throughout the US, finishing classes, working three jobs, and living life! I am still getting used to this blogging thing.....I guess I should just go with what I feel instead of trying to stay traditional....I'll do me.

Until next time (whenever that is)...Peace.